Emily and Ana await the ceremonial opening of the Christmas stockings.

Emily scores a lego horse and rider.

Christmas Morning 2006 – Ana peeks out the window of the girls’ new play tent (shaped like a little storybook house).

Emily had that expression on her face all day – all Christmas weekend, in fact. She really enjoyed herself even though she was sick with a cold, cough, ear infection , etc. etc. More on that later. It looks like we’re back in the cycle of ear infections now that she’s lost both her tubes.

Happy Holidays!!! Merry Chanukmas!! Happy Christmakuh!! And a wonderful (ear infection free) New Year’s to all.

I find myself staring at Ana and Emily a lot lately. I’m just so happy to see them playing together and being regular kids. Especially Emily. When I was pregnant with her, I fantasized about this very Christmas. Ana’s now five and Emily is two, but back then all our troubles were just starting.

I was pregnant and my baby had a birth defect. I dreaded the future. Back then I knew that the winter of 2006 would be a time between surgeries and that the shock of learning we would have a child with a cleft would’ve passed, the fear and anguish of putting a baby through two surgeries would have faded.

What I didn’t expect was that Ana wouldn’t remember what Emily looked like when she was born, or even what a cleft is because we just don’t talk about it that much anymore. I didn’t expect to love Emily’s face as much as I do. I love to kiss her cheeks, and the little slope between where her forehead ends and her nose begins. I love to tell her how pretty she is.

This is the face I love so much.

Three years ago when I was still pregnant, and I’d just found out about Emily, I remember looking at Ana’s face (she was two at the time) and crying. I didn’t know what the new baby would mean for her. I couldn’t possibly imagine what other people would think of Emily and, yes, I did care. I wanted people to tell me she was beautiful the way they told me Ana was beautiful. I wanted the perfect baby again, just like I’d had with Ana. I wasn’t ready, then, the give up that hope.

Emily and her cousin Chloe play with Barbies.

Now, three years later, I can’t believe I ever felt that way. Emily is beautiful. She is healthy. She loves and is loved by everyone in her life from her big sister, Ana, to her cousin Chloe (who adores her) to her teachers at preschool. She has a smile for everyone, she’s wicked smart and she’s extremely sweet.

These are the faces I love and this year is a gift. I know that now more than ever.